Making amends
by mslaughter
Summary: ME2 SPOILERS. Shepard finally sits down with Kaidan. Takes place after the end of ME2. Nothing but Shenko fluff. One-shot.


**Author's note:** I was sorely disappointed by the lack of closure with the Alenko romance. This story is total fluff but it made me feel better to write out something. This is the first fan fiction I've ever written. Hopefully this will help others get a little closure to tide them over until ME3 comes out.

* * *

"I still just can't believe we all made it out of there alive! If the reapers wanted you dead before, they're really gonna be gunning for you now, Shepard!" Garrus chuckled as he clapped the commander on the back.

Commander Shepard was glad to have a little downtime after destroying the Collector base and telling the Illusive Man to go screw himself. Even though they were allowed to go wherever they wanted for their shore leave, the crew decided to stay on the Citadel and celebrate. Most of them either didn't have much in the way of family to go visit or could visit them on the Citadel. They had been there for three days now and were currently "spilling a few drinks" at the Darkstar club. They had pushed together several tables in the back and were sitting around telling jokes, reminiscing, and just having an all around good time.

"Commander. You've finished your drink. Shall I fetch you another?" Mordin leaned over to reach for Shepard's glass but she didn't hear him. Her eyes were fixed on a figure sitting in a dark corner across the room, watching her. Her heart leapt into her throat as she recognized the muscular figure with dark hair and eyes. She was overcome with the memory of touching his skin, running her fingers through his hair, inhaling the scent of him.

"Commander?" Mordin inquired.

Shepard snapped back to attention, looking up at the Salarian. "What? Oh, no. I'll go get it myself." She pushed herself back from the table and headed over to the bar in somewhat of a daze. She ordered two beers and headed over to the table, having never fully taken her eyes off of Kaidan.

He watched her approach but didn't say a word as she took a seat in the chair across from him. Shepard slid one beer across the table to him and took a sip of her own. She watched him as he continued to look over her crew. After a minute of silence she spoke up. "They're a good crew. Not everything I might want," she looked at him wistfully, "but they're loyal and courageous. Don't worry. I still keep an eye on the ones who were loyal to Cerberus."

Kaidan looked down at the beer Shepard had given him and took a sip. He looked up at her, studying her face.

"I've known you dead longer than I've known you alive. It's like I'm talking to a dream. The pain of losing you almost killed me... Or at least I had hoped that it would. Knowing that I'd never see your face again, hear your voice, hold you... I just felt completely empty and dead inside. It was months before I could make it through a whole day without breaking down. I would go to sleep every night begging to dream of you. Eventually the pain lessened. Not a lot. Just enough for me to realize that my life was continuing whether I wanted it to or not. I wanted to honor your memory by making my life and your sacrifice mean something. I wanted to keep on fighting... I started trying to pull myself back together. Started going out with friends sometimes and spending less time moping in my room."

Kaidan's eyes had focused on a drop of condensation that had fallen to the table. He paused to take a sip of his drink but looked back up at Shepard before continuing on.

"Sometimes I would hear a song that would make me think of you and I'd break down all over again. But eventually when I would think of you I would just feel disappointment and anger. Anger with you for abandoning me, for destroying what we had. Anger with you for leaving me with all of this pain and guilt while you felt none. Anger with you for being too weak to make another hard decision like the one on Virmire. You let Williams die so I could live but when it came time to let someone else make that sacrifice for you... You just had to play the goddamn hero. I loved you and admired you for that... and I hated you for it."

"That's not fair, Kaidan," Shepard started.

"Godammit, Shepard!" Kaidan growled as he dropped his closed fist to the table. "Just let me finish. I need to tell you this." His moist brown eyes found hers. "Please."

Shepard swallowed the protest she had begun and waited for him to continue.

"Even after everything, I never stopped hoping for a miracle that would bring you back to me. When I started to hear rumors that you were back... I couldn't believe them. I wouldn't. I didn't want to make room for hope only to have pain rush in. When I saw you on Horizon... it was like a dream. There you were. Two years of wishing and there you were right in front of me. I was so happy. I thought my heart was going to explode from my chest. There are no words, Shepard."

He was staring hard at her now, trembling a little.

"I had packed away all of my feelings for you so tightly... when I started to let them out... they all rushed out at once like Pandora's goddamned box." Kaidan let out a weak, exasperated laugh before going on, "And you were working for Cerberus. I had to believe that you had a good reason but I just couldn't hear it then. I had two years of pent up emotions and... and I was so afraid for you. Afraid of you, of losing you again... to them. Afraid of losing myself to you again."

Kaidan looked back down at his bottle, sliding it along the table from one hand to the other. "I just needed some time to process all of this and figure out how much of which feelings were left."

Shepard watched him, her blood pounding. She slowly reached her hand out across the table, stopping just short of his. After a moment he let go of the bottle and slid his hand into hers, looking up at her.

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan. I never meant to hurt you. I wish I could erase the last two years... I love you."

"I love you too, Shepard. It hasn't been easy for me and I've still got a ways to go. But I never got over you. If you still want to... I'd like to give us another try."

Kaidan watched Shepard's face carefully. A tear ran down her cheek and a smile slowly spread across her face as she nodded her head up and down. He felt his own face break into a smile.

"Do you want to get out of here so we can continue this talk without an audience?" Kaidan asked as he realized that all eyes at Shepard's table were now fixed on them.

Blushing, the two of them stood up and headed toward the door.

"Don't worry. We've got this under control. We won't wait up!" Joker called after them.

Kaidan pushed the button in the elevator to take them back to the docking bay. "Damn these slow elevators." Kaidan said as he gave Shepard a playful grin, pulling her against him as the door slid close.


End file.
